Elijah took this picture of me & Isaiah playing.
There is so much useful information and recommendations in Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, Ph.D. that I decided to write about it in separate posts. I’m hoping some of you decided to read it along with me so that we could have some discussion in the comments section of the post.
Chapter 1- The Value of Being a Playful Parent
Maybe it’s just me, but the value of being a playful parent seemed like one of those things that is so obvious we tend to take it for granted. The author writes “Play is also children’s main way of communicating, of experimenting, and of learning (p.4).” That’s BIG, so let me emphasize that again, it is children’s main way of communicating, experimenting and learning! Cohen also states that another purpose of play is to recover from emotional distress.
As I read this chapter I thought of so many of my professional and parenting experiences that confirmed the power of play. For example, I was interning as a dance/movement therapist in a summer camp in inner city Philadelphia. I was playing with some children in the sand box. I remember this quiet little girl who kept taking everyone else’s toys and burying them in the sand. The other children were beginning to get upset. I asked her why all the toys were buried. She said, “They’re dead”. I can’t remember exactly what I said to her but she told us the story of her cousin being shot, which lead to a conversation with several of the children about deaths in their family. The other children started to bury the toys as they talked. There was no doubt in my mind that this play experience was cathartic for them.
Professionally, play was always a huge part of my day to day life. I used it in so many ways, for connecting with children, helping them to process their emotions, and using it to promote social, emotional and physical development. I was always very deliberate with my play but as a parent I haven’t been so intentional. I think this book is really helping me to up my “play” game with my own children.
One of my favorite parts of chapter one was the paragraph about how male chimps use play to reconcile. You’ll have to read the book to find out what they do! It just made me smile and wished that adults tried this technique more often.
I think one of the most important points of this chapter was, “If they are unable to recover by using play, children may be flooded with emotions (such as tantrums). They might lash out at others, storm around, or burst into tears at the slightest upset (p.15)” I can already see how this is true for my 3 ½ year old and 15 month old. I notice that when we have more “special time” which is like play time that my children seem to handle little upsets without melting down into full blown tantrums.
Even scarier is that “Others may withdraw to their room, or shut all their feelings down (p.15).” Where do their feelings go? This type of reaction seems even more difficult because parents may not be aware of the child’s feelings and the child is shutting down instead of processing their emotions.
Wow, I can’t believe how much I’m writing and this is just the first chapter. I was going to write about chapters 1-5 but I think I’ll end here for now.
If you’re reading along what are your thoughts about chapter 1?
Do you have an inspiring story about the power of play?
Elijah & Kai playing together. Joy.
